Why are you so sad around Christmas time? (Living with domestic violence)

                            

 Why are you so sad around Christmas time?

I can tell you that living in an abusive marriage or relationship gets worse during the holiday season.
There is so much tension in the air because you may have financial issues or it could be a time when your spouse could be drinking more than usual.  You will find that you can be blamed for just about anything.

Your abusive spouse will find fault with just about anything (the kids, your hair, or just you being around.)  If your spouse is cheating, he will find a way to start a fight or an argument so he will have an excuse to leave the home to be with his mistress.

You may think that you are hiding your pain but everyone will see that Christmas is a hard time for you. Keeping "the secret" somehow makes you feel that it is not as bad as it is.  What people will not tell you is, that being in an abusive marriage is shameful to the person who is dealing with it.

Many times you wonder why this person would pick you for this type of treatment, and you will also ask God why???????


Image of snowflake ornaments, courtesy of Pixabay

Many times, domestic abuse starts with something in your past.  A time when you have been slapped or told to shut up and berated by a parent or another adult.  You may have seen your parents get abused, and even though you knew this behavior was reprehensible, you allowed this pattern to show up in your life because it was something that you were used to.

If you are reading this post and you have severe sadness during Christmas and you have been abused; it is time to take action.  Find a way to save your life and your sanity.  It will not be easy, but let me tell you, it will be worth it.

I escaped over thirty years ago.  I still suffer from trauma from what I went through.  Christmas has never been easy for me, but I am here and I am blessed.  Spending precious moments with my family without arguing and being abused is a gift that I can never thank God enough for.

Free yourself!  Let this be the last year that you are scared of what this person will do to you.  Live, live, live!  Take back control of your life!  The best is yet to come!

When is this grown man going to get off his butt and get a job?

Image courtesy of Pixabay 

Hello everyone, I haven't been here for a while but I just wanted to touch on this subject.  For many years, I have witnessed so many ladies going out to work every day, but a lazy man has taken up residence and has fooled you into thinking that he cannot get a job or he has nowhere to go.

Did you ever think that he had somewhere to live before he started seeing you?  Why have you let this man come into your home around you and your children, and he won't work?  He has so many excuses such as; he doesn't have any transportation, nobody will hire him, he has a criminal record, or he cannot take the bus.

You get up every day whether you are tired or ill, and you work, and when you come back home, he is still in the same spot watching TV and eating your kid's cereal and all of the other food.  He cheats on you, and you give him spending money.  A grown man taking money from a woman is quite frankly, disgusting. 

This man is so-called "finding himself" while you do all the work to maintain a home.  Have you ever thought, "When is this grown man going to get off his butt and get a job?"  I am sure that you have, but why have you allowed this?  

You allow it because you feel that you can change him or you think that he will leave you.  You will actually gain more if you just let him go.  He hasn't brought anything to the table and he is blocking a good man from coming your way.


Image of man, courtesy of Pixabay

Ladies, a real man will not let you struggle and carry the load by yourself.  Everybody has a role in a relationship.  We do not have to continue to be a strong person in the relationship.  It is not healthy ladies. 

 You are running on empty without any support.  Learn to say no when these men first approach you about moving into your home.  If he is out to use you, he will disappear and you will be able to distinguish who the right person is for you.  Good luck to you ladies!  The best is yet to come!

Are there women who like their men to be more feminine?

Image of Man courtesy of Pixabay

Hello everyone,  I received a great question that was sent to me anonymously and I am very anxious to give my input regarding this question.

Question:  Are there women who like their men to be more feminine?

SashaMoniqueTalks: So many women like a man who has facial features like a woman, and a man who is quite androgynous.  The perfect persons who would fit this example would be the singer's Prince, Michael Jackson, Boy George, and Adam Lambert.

 There have been rumors of them being gay or bisexual, but I know one thing, there are so many women who are crazy about these men.  Why?  Because they are comfortable in their own skin, and they have a look that is so relatable to women.

You can always count on them to be well-dressed for the occasion and they command loads of attention. Some women do not have a problem with their men wearing makeup and nail polish.

I have known many women who were married, and some still are, to a man who is considered feminine.  As long as the person who is dating or married to a feminine man is okay with it, there is no reason for anyone else to judge.


Image of man with yellow glasses, courtesy of Pixabay

A feminine-acting or looking man can steal your heart with his gentle touch or his gentle ways.  So the answer to you is, absolutely, some women like their men to be more feminine.

What does independence and being independent means to you?

The word (independent) has been thrown around for many years.  It means a lot to me because my mom has always instilled the values of independence.  She let us know from a young age that we had to be independent and that no man was going to take care of us.  Honestly, the thought was a bit scary to me but I could always hear her words "Be independent."

I am independent, but there are times that I think that I am so independent that I will not let anyone do anything for me and this could be a problem.

Independence is standing on your own, and a lot of times it means being alone.  There are so many decisions that you are responsible for.  What I like about being and staying independent is that I am in charge of my life.  I do not have to wait for someone to control me or my actions.  I can live anywhere that I want and come and go as I please.

You see the tree behind me?  It is standing alone holding up its own branches.  A tree is powerful because it provides shade and is very essential to the quality of air that is around us.   A woman is very powerful because she brings forth life.  She usually nurtures her family and her hard work shows.

Being independent is having a strong mind, which means that you do not go with the crowd, you are a leader!  Trusting God is a sure way that you can remain independent because he will strengthen and bless you, so you can do all the things that you set your heart and mind to do.  He is the only one that you can truly trust.  When you are quiet, and still, he will lead you in the right direction that a man cannot.

Stay grounded and trust your intuition!  

*Attention! I would love to answer questions about love and relationships on my blog*

Are you going through a dilemma and you need some advice?  I am here to answer your questions on my blog.  I am not a Doctor or Psychiatrist but I am a woman who has lived through many things and overcame them all and I can give you great advice.
  
You can send all the questions to https://sashamoniquetalks@gmail.com and submit all of your questions.
You can remain anonymous and I will protect your identity.

*Why are you tiptoeing around your boyfriend or your spouse?*

Why are you tiptoeing around your boyfriend or your spouse?

Ladies, I miss you all and I am glad to be back.  I wanted to touch on this subject because there are a lot of women who are dating or married to a spouse that they are really afraid of.  Speaking about this subject is very easy for me because I have been in this situation myself, and I often wondered how this all began.

Being bullied in your childhood whether it is by a kid at school or a parent who does the bullying, sets up mistrust, low self-esteem, sadness, and inner pain.  You learn that this is the way life is, so when you meet this person, they can see by your demeanor, that you are a (victim).  You did not mean for this to happen because you would never pick this type of life for yourself.

Abusive people will be nice at first and then they will size you up and see where you are weak, and they will use it against you.  They may tell you "you complain too much," or make fun of you in some kind of way.  First, you will be a little startled but you will tell yourself that it was (nothing) and you will carry on with your life.  This is the time that you should have confronted that person when it first went down like this.
You didn't trust yourself to stand up for yourself and now you are in this mess, tiptoeing around someone who you love.


How do I get out of this situation?

• Get therapy.
• learn how to say "no" right away.
• Remember that, "what  you see is what you get."
• Tell someone; that you are being controlled or abused.
• Call people out on their "BS" as soon as they bring it to you.
• Love yourself more than you love anyone.
• Leave that monster!
• Trust your instincts and avoid people who are narcissists.