Top Five Ways To Date Yourself.

Top five ways to date yourself.


Image courtesy of Pixabay

When you are not in a relationship it is easy to sit around and mope.  A lot of times you will not take care of yourself and your appearance.  Not being in a relationship doesn't mean that you just give up on life.


Image courtesy of Pixabay

There are many ways to date yourself, to make you feel special and loved.  Sometimes people notice when you do not treat yourself well and they view you as unattractive. Make it a point to date yourself because you will draw more quality people into your life.

So here are the top five ways to date yourself!

1. Go to a fabulous restaurant and order whatever you want and sit there and savor every bite.
2. Take yourself on a trip alone and meet people and treat yourself to the best massages around and pamper yourself.
3. Take a relaxing bath and put on your favorite music, get out and put on the prettiest nightgown that you own and eat some quality chocolates and watch  ("Breakfast At Tiffany's.)
4. Order a beautiful necklace or ring and use it as your statement piece.
5. Go get your hair, nails, and feet done, and then go to a photoshoot and take your best picture.

Learn how to be happy with yourself and you will enjoy yourself with or without a mate.

He Went To Jail And You Waited For Him And Now He Is Out And Cheating On You.

Ladies, I just heard about a story and the man went to jail for some years and his girlfriend waited for him the whole time he was gone.  She was his queen, so she thought, but as soon as he got out, he cheated on her.

This man took this woman's soft heart for granted because he needed her while he was in jail.  She didn't get much out of this relationship and he takes her for granted.

This lady is a sweetheart but obviously, she was looking for love in the wrong places.  Why is his life more important than hers?

This is a lesson to us all, we all have been weak and fallen short somewhere, but I want ladies to know that you have to place yourself higher than this man you are dating or in a serious relationship with.

You should love your man but he should be loving you too and be willing to sacrifice for your well-being and happiness.

Stop selling yourself short, a lot of you are doing everything and the man isn't doing anything.  The relationship should be on an equal footing.

You are afraid that if you stop doing these things, he will leave you, but if a man doesn't love you, he will leave you anyway.

If you are a doormat, he will get sick of this and the woman who will put her foot down and make him be a man, he will be absolutely crazy about this woman and do and be everything that she needs him to be.

Love Yourself First!

Where Do I Fit In The Dating World As An Older Woman?

Image Courtesy Pixabay

Anonymous Question: SashaMonique I am 45 years old and although I take good care of myself, I watch my weight and I dress very fashionable.  I have been told that I look very young for my age and I am not tooting my own horn, but I am very attractive.

 I want to know, where do I fit, in the dating world as an older woman?  I have been single for about 2 years and would like to be in a long-term relationship.  Have gone on a few dates and I am not attracting the type of man I would like in my life.  I have 2 kids and they both are grown and I just want to be in love once again.  

SashaMoniqueTalks:  I am glad that you contacted me because I truly understand your situation because I am an older woman and I have to say that dating is very difficult at this age because a lot of men want to date a young woman.  

There are some men who would love a more mature woman and you would have to go to some events where good, quality men are.  Finding love is never impossible and you didn't say what your hobbies are but find an event where it has men who have the same interest that you have, this could be outings to the movie theater and there are some websites geared to group outings that would make meeting men safer.

  Some years ago I went to an event on a ship and I found it very easy to strike up a conversation and meet single men and there wasn't a lot of pressure on either party. If you are meeting men that you are not attracted to, do not give them your number.

 See if any of your family members have friends that you can be introduced to.  Find out about outings your local church may be going on and go and enjoy yourself.  It is not too late, all you have to do is weed out the undesirables.

He Lost His Way And Now He Wants You To Bail Him Out!

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Hello, everyone.  This is not a question and answers session but something that has happened in my personal life at one time or another.

He Lost His Way And Now He Wants You To Bail Him Out!

I was involved with this man many, many, years ago.  He was very self-centered and was only looking for a way to advance his dreams by using women.  He was very attractive and he knew it. 

 He played the game of pretending to be in love with me to accomplish everything that he wanted.  His caresses and his tender kisses were something out of this world.

After a while, I caught on to his schemes and I was finished with him.  For some reason he felt that after all, I had been through, he had a right to try to re-enter my life.

  He didn't realize that this lady had in fact moved on and no longer had feelings to give him a chance.  He didn't have sense enough to have enough pride to not approach me again.

The moral of this story is, never let anyone take you for granted.  If you hurt me once, you will hurt me again.  I don't owe you even a conversation with your sob story of how your life didn't turn out the way you expected.

  Hold your head up high and quickly say no to his advances and keep it moving because you know that he hasn't changed and if he did, let him be a better person for somebody else.  

Sometimes it isn't worth it to give second chances.  Guarding your heart is one of the best gifts that God will give you if you will just listen to him and follow his leading you will have a better result.

Intuition is there for a reason and if you had listened before, you would not be carrying this scar to your heart and your soul. 

 So, his life is in shambles, it is not your fault or your problem.

Let him straighten his own mess and he will be a better person for it.

I Am Secretly Getting Married Next Week.

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Anonymous Question:  Hello, Sasha.  I am getting married next week and I haven't told my family and my fiance hasn't told anyone in his family.

  I do not have a great relationship with my mom and dad because they never acted like they cared anything about me.  I feel invisible in my family.

 My sisters are in their own little world and they really could care less.  We are going to Las Vegas and we are talking about moving to Philadelphia.  Right now, I live in Chicago and there are not a whole lot of jobs here.  I  have been looking to make a new start.  I need your advice.


Sashamoniquetalks:  First, I want to say that I am happy for you but I think that you should give your mom and dad a chance to see you get married.

  At least talk to them about it.  You didn't tell me your age but If you are eighteen and over, you have the right to get married if you want to, but the negative energy that will occur if you do not give your family a chance to see you married would be long-lasting.

  You sound like you made up your mind and I wish you well in your marriage.

I Want To Get Married And I Want A Beautiful Ring!

Hello, Ladies. I had a conversation a few years ago with an acquaintance of mine and I am sure that she is okay with me sharing this.  She is forty plus and she has never been married.  She is a wonderful, God-fearing, and respectable lady, and she would be the perfect catch for any man.  She has dated some men and she knows exactly what she wants.

She asked me why I wear rings and who bought them and I told her that some were bought by other people and some were bought by me.  She then asked me why I would buy my own and I told her that, at my age, I cannot wait for someone to give me the gifts that I can give myself.

I have been married, so I was quite alarmed that she even asked me this question but I know that she was just asking a question.  She then said that she was waiting for the big, beautiful, diamond ring that would come when the right guy finds her and asked for her hand in marriage.

She then asked me why I don't just wear the rings on my right hand and I told her that, at my age, it doesn't really matter what hand I used to display my rings.

I am going to keep it real here and say that a lot of us are waiting for a dream that may not come true.
If you are forty years old and over, you should just buy the beautiful things that you want to wear and that fantastic diamond ring that you love and enjoy it.  The man of your dreams will still come if it is meant to be, even if you are wearing diamonds.

Some of us ladies are separated or divorced and we may not even be looking for another relationship but I want you ladies to keep looking good for yourself and spoil yourself if it is within your means.

A statement ring, bracelet, or necklace doesn't have to be expensive.  Never put your happiness on hold because you are waiting for love.  Live now, because tomorrow isn't promised.

Put some money aside and buy that big beautiful ring that you want and wear it with pride.  Love yourself because nobody is going to love you more.

He Stayed With The Other Woman On Valentines Day (Update)

Anonymous:  Hello, Sasha.  I have an update on the question that I had on Valentine's Day.  I told you that my husband stayed with the other woman on Valentine's Day and I am so happy right now because I told him that I was unhappy in my marriage and he didn't give me the respect or the attention that I needed. 

 I could not take it anymore and I asked him to move out.  I felt sad for about two weeks but Sasha, I am so relieved and I have been going out with my friends and really having a good time.  Wasn't aware of how tied down I was.  

He asked me to let him come back home and he said that he really loves me.  I flat out told his crazy behind that I will never let him come back and I am glad that he is gone. Some other opportunities have opened up for me in my career and I am happy about that.  Ten years is too long to be miserable and I got my life back.


SashaMoniqueTalks:  I am so surprised to hear back from you. So glad that you took the steps to fix this situation and happiness and contentment is very important.  That is great news about the opportunities that has opened up for you.  You are no longer tied down and you are free to live and be happy. Wishing you the best blessings and please stay in touch with me.

You Have Loved And Lost, But, Next Time It Will Be Right.

                                                Miles Jaye, I've Been A Fool For You.

I posted this video because this song just brings back so many memories.  A lot of you will remember this song from the TV show, "A Different World."  It is beautiful and heartfelt. 

 You may be going through a loss of your own and it will take a lot of strength to carry on,   Life is very uncertain but in its uncertainty, there is a lesson to be learned. 

 In a relationship, what you see is what you get.  If you are being taken for granted or cheated on, just know that there is someone who is ready and willing to be the man or woman that you need.

Don't waste your time on people who are not sure whether or not they want to be with you.  Life is short but be sure that you acknowledge the part that you played in any negativity in the relationship. 

Give yourself time to heal and then be open to love.  Love yourself and spoil yourself.  When the time is right, love will come back around, it always does.

He stayed with the other woman on Valentine's Day.

Anonymous Question:  Hello Sasha, I have been with my husband for ten years and he only spent two Valentine's Day with me since we have been married.  He spends all his time with his other woman and he leaves and stays a few days.  He likes to start an argument every time he leaves, what can I do?


Sashamoniquetalks:  Hello, this a very sad situation.  Your husband is showing some signs that he doesn't respect you or your feelings.  I am sure that he loves you but he wants his cake and eat it too. You need to have a serious talk with him about your future and if he won't talk, you may need to text him or write him a letter.
You have been married a long time and you don't deserve this treatment.  I am not going to tell you to leave your husband but take this time to work on you and make yourself happy. When working on yourself you will find the right answer that you have been seeking and he will see a new change in you.

Please let me know how this situation turns out.

Have You Ever Been In A Bad Relationship But Was Scared To Get Out? SashaMoniqueTalks Breaking Down Barriers

 Hello, everyone.  Have you ever been in love with someone and you just know that you two cannot get along but deep down you really love this person and don't know how to end the relationship?  Well, I have and it is not a place that I would ever like to revisit. 

 I can remember my heart pounding and the tears flowing.  I remember questioning myself and wondering whether it was my fault that the relationship was not working.  Removing myself from this situation was heartbreaking and very hard to do.

This place and space where I was, was not healthy and I knew that I had to make a move to save myself.  Below, you will see some of the steps that I had to take and where I am now, and how my mindset changed.

How I saved my life.

1. Went to the Library and found self-help books to rebuild my self-esteem and to see where I went wrong in the relationship.
2. Learned to love myself and concentrate on all of my needs.
3. I decided that I would not concentrate on looks when looking for a mate and to see what was in the man's heart and that he was genuinely in love with me instead of in lust with me. lol
4. I sincerely prayed for God's guidance and instruction on how to move forward in a positive way.
5. I made the decision not to date for a while and learn to be happy as a single woman.
6. I kept myself so busy, so I didn't feel like I was missing something.
7. Bought me some special gifts for Valentine's Day to celebrate, me.
8. Started a few hobbies that help to keep my mind off, love and relationships.
9. Went to some events alone and still had a wonderful time.
10. Learned how to have friendships with men, without having the pressure of dating.

I have decided that having a relationship doesn't define who I am.  I am wonderful and fabulous, just the way I am, and really glad that I don't have all the drama that was in my life. 

 Trusting your intuition is a way to avoid getting yourself into dangerous and non-productive situations.  You have to realize what all the red flags are and learn to avoid them at all costs.

When you have high self-worth; Men who would ordinarily talk to you will pass you by and that will make room for men of quality to come into your life.

You deserve a life with a man who will celebrate you and who will add to your life in a positive manner.  Life is short; please do not settle for a man who is unstable because you will be miserable.

I Am Dating A Man My Family Thinks Is Beneath Me Financially.

Anonymous Question:  Hi Sashamoniquetalks;  I have been dating a man for eight months and we get along very well but he isn't doing well financially.

  He is four years older than I am but he had a lot of setbacks and I make a lot more money than he does.  This man is really generous with the money that he has but my family thinks he is beneath me.

  Sometimes I feel they are right but they don't know how wonderful he is to me I am trying to have an open mind but should I give this man up for a man with more money?



Sashamoniquetalks:  You told me what job you are in and I will not include it here but you are making so much more than he is.  My question to you is; Is he a hard-working man?  

Does he have your back?  You said that he is very generous with the money that he has and that is very important.

 If this man is willing to better himself and he treats you well, I would tell you to stay with him.  Everybody doesn't have the same opportunities in life and if he is a man who isn't trying to use you for your money I say that there is a chance that this relationship will work out.

  You have only been seeing him for eight months and I say that after a year or more you can see where this relationship is headed.  Your family loves you so they are concerned but take your time and enjoy this relationship and if he continues to treat you well, he may be a man you can have a future with.

He Is Being Cheap. Should I Buy My Own Engagement Ring

Anonymous Question, Sasha, I have been dating this man for a year and he was talking about marriage on a regular basis.  He asked me whether I was ready for marriage or not and I said, Yes. 

 I love him but he took me to the jewelry stores looking for a ring and we saw many that I like.  He said, "I didn't know that they cost so much."  I said to myself "Listen to this cheapskate."  He started looking at some cheap, flimsy rings that had diamonds that look like salt.

I was upset, but, I understand that he is having some financial issues.   He dresses well and he gets things that he likes, so why is he being cheap about my ring. 

I am mad about this situation and I am ready to buy my own engagement ring because I refuse to wear an ugly, cheap ring. Don't get me wrong, I am not a gold digger but, I do like nice things.  Should I buy my own ring, Sasha?

Sashamoniquetalks,  You said that you love this man but, if he cannot afford to buy you a ring that you like, you will have to either get an affordable ring that you like or you will have to wait until this man can afford to buy you the ring of your dreams.  

I would not suggest that someone goes into debt for these kinds of purchases and I am not going to call you a gold digger.

 There are other options like Pawn shops, eBay, Mercari, Poshmark, and also Walmart.  You will be surprised about the quality rings that they sell at these places and also, down the line, you could get a more expensive ring.  

I will not suggest that you buy your own ring, but, you could tell him that you will put some money towards it.  If none of these options work for you, then maybe you should wait to get married. He may not even be in the position to marry anyone.

Signs My Boyfriend Doesn't love Me!

Image Courtesy Of Pixabay   

                                        

We have all dated and experienced breakups and it is never easy.  Below,  you will see some of the signs.  There are always signs but we may not recognize them.

1. He never takes me out.
2. I have never met his family or friends.
3. He calls me his friend.
4. He never buys me anything.
5. He hits me.
6. He lies to me constantly.
7. He only sees me on certain days.
8. Tells me, I am ugly.
9. He dates other people.
10. Steals from me.
11. Get another woman pregnant.
12. Makes fun of me.
13. Uses me for sex.
14. Brings another woman to my house.
15. He's married.
16. Makes me buy him things.
17. Keeps breaking up with me.
18. Not willing to marry me.
19. Hates my children.
20. Tells me he hates me and my family.

If you have answered yes to any of these answers you may be involved with a man who doesn't love or respect you.  You cannot change him and what you see is what you get.  Do not be a slave to love because you will be the one who is hurt.  Men tend to respect women who respect themselves.  

My Boyfriend is sixteen years older than me.

Anonymous Question:  Hello SashaMonique,  I just turned 27 years old and I have been married but it didn't work out.  I started dating a man who is 16 years older than me and I am not really attracted to this man but he treats me well. 

I have been through a lot in my life so I decided that I will make myself happy with the person who is interested in making me happy. 

 I forgot to add that I have a five-year-old daughter by my ex.  My parents do not know yet about this man but I will tell them soon.  I live on my own so I feel that this is okay.  What are your thoughts regarding this situation?


SashaMoniqueTalks:  This is a good question.  Did you try dating men in your own age bracket before dating this man?  You stated that you have been married and it didn't work out and I think this is the reason you have decided on dating this older man. 

 Honestly, I feel that if you are happy, keep dating him and see where the relationship goes. The problem with dating someone older, you will not have a lot in common with a forty-three-year-old and the relationship will get stale very fast. 

 You said that you are not attracted to this man and you didn't say why but this could be a problem. There are older men who are dogs too so you still have to be careful.  Tell your parents, they will probably be upset but it is your life and you are grown.

Some bad boy's do get married.

I just ran across this video of Ray J  and Princess Love's wedding dance.  For many years it seemed like he couldn't be faithful and I wonder if Whitney Houston had lived, would they be married.  A man will never be perfect just like we aren't. We have to see what is in a man's heart and soul and if he is coming from a good place then you may have found your soul mate

Marrying Or Dating A Stalker And An Obsessive Compulsive Man

Ladies; Please watch this video and heed the signs and the information given.  You do not have to be a victim and a punching bag.  Love doesn't hurt!  

Protect yourself and your children and do not let a man use and abuse you.  Your children are better off without living their lives in fear.    If you are in an abusive relationship or marriage it will not get any better. You can call the Domestic Violence Hotline and be on your way to a better life.  

Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

To get help online go to:
http://www.thehotline.org/